Its Thanksgiving. I got off work the last minute (literally found out as I was getting ready for work) And I want to be thankful and have a wonderful day with my family.
But NO... I am in a killer funk. Massive killer funk.
I have a head cold, a headache and an annoying cough.
My husband has to work so Im on my own for the afternoon.
My kids - while amazing - are typical 3 year old girl and 8 year old boy and with the head cold meds ... Im not very patient.
Dinner at my moms went well but I constantly felt like a swollen massive sausage. Im easily the heaviest unhealthiest person in the group. My stepsister and brothers significant other are gorgeous and maybe a size 4. My grandmother even lost some weight and looked amazing.
I felt HUGE.
Saturday is family pictures. They are so trim and will look great in anything they wear. I am NOT photogenic on a good day. I hate having my pictures taken. And while they are sporting awesome red dresses, I will be covered up from head to toe in black.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Friday, November 7, 2014
A quick minute
I have a few minutes before I have to wake up Bre and wait for G to get off the bus so thought I would do a quick post.
Things are going ok.
Things are going ok.
- I joined the master swim team. HAHAHA I SUCK.... and I do not like swimming. It is hard. I cannot breath. I get winded. My stroke is poor, my kick is weak. I have horrible form. Having said that I am doing it. I also reached out to the coach about a few private lessons. It WILL get better. I WILL learn to, if not love, atleast like swimming. I WILL learn to breath. I WILL learn a better stroke and kick. My form WILL get better.
- I am on the 6 day FAST cycle of thin and healthy total solutions. It is my least favorite phase. Breakfast is TINY. And if I do not plan well then by afternoon I am starving. Two nights ago that starving led to stopping at McDs on the way home from work. Last night I was stronger.
- I have NO clue what my weight is. I briefly stepped on my scale at home the morning after the salty fries and nuggets. It was not pretty (195.6)... hopefully it is actually lower than that. I learned my lesson - put the damn scale away again.
- I have got re-energized on getting my house situated and nicer - fabric finally made it to the seamstress for the new curtains, paint swatches are on the walls. Tons of things are pinned on pinterest.
- Restarted weight training with the chalean extreme. Granted Ive only done one night this week but Im planning to do it tonight too.
Sorry so short, life is busy.
Monday, October 27, 2014
NO scale NOvember ...
I have decided that I need to back away from the scale a bit. I am worried that the same thing will happen this time. I go off plan, expect a higher amount on the scale, don't go weigh in so it doenst really exist... then since I didnt weigh in I eat more and so on and so on.
A friend of mine recently joined the same program and she weaned herself off the scale. She even weighed in backwards and didnt let them show her the number on the scale or on her paperwork. I think from now until Dec 1st I will do the same.
I want to focus on the nonscale victories... staying on plan, making healthy dishes, getting to the gym, getting my water intake, playing with the kids, feeling good about me - not about a number.
So once I publish this I am going to take the battery out of my scale and throw it away. Yes I could just put it away but I have NO discipline regarding not weighing in and my husband doesnt understand that concept and refuses to hide it from me. So come Dec 1st I will (or maybe will not) get a new battery.
When I head in wednesday to weigh in, I will ask them to keep my weight to themselves.
Feel good about this.
A friend of mine recently joined the same program and she weaned herself off the scale. She even weighed in backwards and didnt let them show her the number on the scale or on her paperwork. I think from now until Dec 1st I will do the same.
I want to focus on the nonscale victories... staying on plan, making healthy dishes, getting to the gym, getting my water intake, playing with the kids, feeling good about me - not about a number.
So once I publish this I am going to take the battery out of my scale and throw it away. Yes I could just put it away but I have NO discipline regarding not weighing in and my husband doesnt understand that concept and refuses to hide it from me. So come Dec 1st I will (or maybe will not) get a new battery.
When I head in wednesday to weigh in, I will ask them to keep my weight to themselves.
Feel good about this.
Introductory Phase
This is the run down of the introductory phase. It last 4 days.
Breakfast alternates from a oatmeal or a protein. Oatmeal day has a fruit and and a dairy. Protein day has a grain and a fruit.
Lunch is a protein, a grain, and a dairy. Unlimited veggies.
Dinner is a protein, a grain, a fruit and unlimited veggies.
Up to 4 protein suppliments and 2 bars a day extra as needed.
Exercise: Tabata. Met with MRC people and made plan.
Water intake: 42oz... not enough
Thoughts: Happy to have gotten through my first day back on plan. I need to work on the water intake.
Exercise: 45 min swim
Water intake: around 60
Thoughts: Won't lie that I was dissappointed not to already see a difference on the scale. Then I had to remind myself... hello its been 24 hours. Had a few proud moments. First it was a rainy yucky cold day and instead of taking a nap I hauled myself to the gym to get my swim done. Second, while out in the yucky cold wet day - hubby asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I LOVE GOING OUT TO EAT... LOVE IT. I said No, didnt even have to think about it. No NO NO.
Exercise: Body combat 60 min (at 530 in the freaking morning!)
Water intake: somewhere between 80-90
Thoughts: Today was good and bad and its easy now to look back and figure out why some of the time was rough. I barely got up in time for the gym but I did and as usual Jeans class kicks ass. I packed breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner for the 12 hours I was supposed to be at work. I am orienting a new NP. It was crazy slow so I left early at 3 and headed home. I then was STARVING. Or atleast I thought I was. I was bored, and tired. I barely slept the night before. I wanted carbs! Which is funny because this isnt a no carb diet. I was smart and drank a protein suppliment on the way home but that didnt curb that NEED. So I had two or four slices of toast. Then I got myself in check and stopped. I STOPPED. WOOHOO. I seriously wanted to all out binge. But I didnt. And Im making myself get to bed early. My meals are packed. My gym bag is packed. Tomorrow is weigh in day. Hope my little mini binge doesnt bite me back in the ass.
Official weigh in weight: 198 (down 6 per their scale)
Water intake: 80ish
Thoughts:
I didnt take my stoke into their scale weigh saying I was down 6 lbs. Likely more like 2 or 3. When I first weighed in I had just eaten dinner and was in jeans. But I restarted! Proud of me!
I was supposed to move onto the next stage that last 6 days but its the most strict of all of the phases and wed, thur and friday we will be away and eating out.... I know I wont be strict so why set myself up for failure. So we decided to keep me on this phase until I get back.
*** If I weigh daily it is in the morning and naked :) so much lower than some other weights. My "official" weight will be from the centers weigh in.
Breakfast alternates from a oatmeal or a protein. Oatmeal day has a fruit and and a dairy. Protein day has a grain and a fruit.
Lunch is a protein, a grain, and a dairy. Unlimited veggies.
Dinner is a protein, a grain, a fruit and unlimited veggies.
Up to 4 protein suppliments and 2 bars a day extra as needed.
Day 1
Weight: 197.2Exercise: Tabata. Met with MRC people and made plan.
Water intake: 42oz... not enough
Thoughts: Happy to have gotten through my first day back on plan. I need to work on the water intake.
Day 2
Weight:197.2Exercise: 45 min swim
Water intake: around 60
Thoughts: Won't lie that I was dissappointed not to already see a difference on the scale. Then I had to remind myself... hello its been 24 hours. Had a few proud moments. First it was a rainy yucky cold day and instead of taking a nap I hauled myself to the gym to get my swim done. Second, while out in the yucky cold wet day - hubby asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I LOVE GOING OUT TO EAT... LOVE IT. I said No, didnt even have to think about it. No NO NO.
Day 3
Weight:194.4Exercise: Body combat 60 min (at 530 in the freaking morning!)
Water intake: somewhere between 80-90
Thoughts: Today was good and bad and its easy now to look back and figure out why some of the time was rough. I barely got up in time for the gym but I did and as usual Jeans class kicks ass. I packed breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner for the 12 hours I was supposed to be at work. I am orienting a new NP. It was crazy slow so I left early at 3 and headed home. I then was STARVING. Or atleast I thought I was. I was bored, and tired. I barely slept the night before. I wanted carbs! Which is funny because this isnt a no carb diet. I was smart and drank a protein suppliment on the way home but that didnt curb that NEED. So I had two or four slices of toast. Then I got myself in check and stopped. I STOPPED. WOOHOO. I seriously wanted to all out binge. But I didnt. And Im making myself get to bed early. My meals are packed. My gym bag is packed. Tomorrow is weigh in day. Hope my little mini binge doesnt bite me back in the ass.
Day 4
Morning Weight: 194.4Official weigh in weight: 198 (down 6 per their scale)
Water intake: 80ish
Thoughts:
I didnt take my stoke into their scale weigh saying I was down 6 lbs. Likely more like 2 or 3. When I first weighed in I had just eaten dinner and was in jeans. But I restarted! Proud of me!
I was supposed to move onto the next stage that last 6 days but its the most strict of all of the phases and wed, thur and friday we will be away and eating out.... I know I wont be strict so why set myself up for failure. So we decided to keep me on this phase until I get back.
*** If I weigh daily it is in the morning and naked :) so much lower than some other weights. My "official" weight will be from the centers weigh in.
Monday, October 20, 2014
faced the music....
So today I got my butt back to the weight loss clinic and faced the music.
Holy crapballs!!!!
I have not been since August. I got off things and gained a few pounds. I kept telling myself I would get back on track for a full week, lose those few pounds then go in and not seem so much like a failure. Well that turned into several weeks ... many many weeks... and several pounds... many many pounds.
I was 188 the last time I weighed in.
Today?
204.
2 hundred and freaking four!
But you know what?
I went!!!! I walked in and got on the scale. I had them take my measurements. And then I asked to completely start over.
This time there are things I need to massively do different. I need to embrace the program. I need to quit trying to screw with it. I need to stop ignoring the parts that I do not think are as important.
I need to actually do the program.
I left there and went to the grocery store. Bought lots of goodies. I have a few organizational plans up my sleeve for tomorrow. I have my workouts planned out for the week. I have already booked my biweekly required training with the trainer for tomorrow evening (yup been 5 months and I have gone ONCE) and booked my next coaching session too.
Holy crapballs!!!!
I have not been since August. I got off things and gained a few pounds. I kept telling myself I would get back on track for a full week, lose those few pounds then go in and not seem so much like a failure. Well that turned into several weeks ... many many weeks... and several pounds... many many pounds.
I was 188 the last time I weighed in.
Today?
204.
2 hundred and freaking four!
But you know what?
I went!!!! I walked in and got on the scale. I had them take my measurements. And then I asked to completely start over.
This time there are things I need to massively do different. I need to embrace the program. I need to quit trying to screw with it. I need to stop ignoring the parts that I do not think are as important.
I need to actually do the program.
I left there and went to the grocery store. Bought lots of goodies. I have a few organizational plans up my sleeve for tomorrow. I have my workouts planned out for the week. I have already booked my biweekly required training with the trainer for tomorrow evening (yup been 5 months and I have gone ONCE) and booked my next coaching session too.
Monday, October 6, 2014
so much for that...
I decided I needed to journal. I was going to get paper and pen. Then I thought about an online journal. Then thought duh I started something on Blogger, I will just head there.
Umm haven't been here since February. And when I was here in February boy was I excited. I was full of hope.
Where on earth does that feeling go and why does it fill back with crappy crap feelings?
Today on a private FB page I belong to, someone asked if you were fully happy with how your life has turned out.
That left me thinking for hours.
I have so much that I am happy with. My family, my husband, my job (for the most part), my small but wonderful group of friends.
But there is so many things I would change. Im not at peace with myself. I do not treat myself like I would treat anyone else. I do not talk nicely to myself. I do not put myself first - I pretend to with working out here and there but I don't REALLY. I half ass take my antidepressant - I want to feel happier. But truth is Im probably not depressed from a metabolic/chemical standpoint. Im just not happy.
SO that is what I need to work on. I need to find peace and treat myself so much better than I do.
Umm haven't been here since February. And when I was here in February boy was I excited. I was full of hope.
Where on earth does that feeling go and why does it fill back with crappy crap feelings?
Today on a private FB page I belong to, someone asked if you were fully happy with how your life has turned out.
That left me thinking for hours.
I have so much that I am happy with. My family, my husband, my job (for the most part), my small but wonderful group of friends.
But there is so many things I would change. Im not at peace with myself. I do not treat myself like I would treat anyone else. I do not talk nicely to myself. I do not put myself first - I pretend to with working out here and there but I don't REALLY. I half ass take my antidepressant - I want to feel happier. But truth is Im probably not depressed from a metabolic/chemical standpoint. Im just not happy.
SO that is what I need to work on. I need to find peace and treat myself so much better than I do.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
3 more days...
In three days I will have a birthday - my 34th to be exact.
No 34th isn't a milestone, its not 30, 35, 40, 50 ect. BUT I have decided that this year is going to be my year!
As a couple we have decided no more babies so no major life changes this year. In the last few years Ive had two amazing kids and finished graduate school.
Now it is time to work on me!
My 34th year on this earth, I want to be the best me I can be. I want to grow in my role as a NP. Be a better mom and wife. Be more organized. Spend more time making myself happy. Get healthier and more fit. Give back to those that need help. Spend more quality time with my friends whom I do not see nearly enough. Work on some rough family relationships. I want a great year.
I plan to share those moments here. I want to be able to look back as Im turning 35 and see how the year went.
GOALS for the next 12 months:
1. Run 2 half marathons
2. Run 1 full marathon
3. Feel good in my skin and comfortable with my body regardless of size.
4. Spend more time getting a massage, doing my nails, feeling girlie.
5. Spend more time on my appearance and not be so bummy.
6. Have a monthly date night with my husband.
7. Improve our sex life (boy will he be happy)
8. Enjoy where my kids are RIGHT NOW
9. dont be in such a rush and just let loose and have fun with the kids.
10. Back off on electronic time
11. volunteer somewhere regularly
12. Go to a medical conference
13. Spend some quality alone time with my mom
14. a girls weekend away
I look forward to my journey.
No 34th isn't a milestone, its not 30, 35, 40, 50 ect. BUT I have decided that this year is going to be my year!
As a couple we have decided no more babies so no major life changes this year. In the last few years Ive had two amazing kids and finished graduate school.
Now it is time to work on me!
My 34th year on this earth, I want to be the best me I can be. I want to grow in my role as a NP. Be a better mom and wife. Be more organized. Spend more time making myself happy. Get healthier and more fit. Give back to those that need help. Spend more quality time with my friends whom I do not see nearly enough. Work on some rough family relationships. I want a great year.
I plan to share those moments here. I want to be able to look back as Im turning 35 and see how the year went.
GOALS for the next 12 months:
1. Run 2 half marathons
2. Run 1 full marathon
3. Feel good in my skin and comfortable with my body regardless of size.
4. Spend more time getting a massage, doing my nails, feeling girlie.
5. Spend more time on my appearance and not be so bummy.
6. Have a monthly date night with my husband.
7. Improve our sex life (boy will he be happy)
8. Enjoy where my kids are RIGHT NOW
9. dont be in such a rush and just let loose and have fun with the kids.
10. Back off on electronic time
11. volunteer somewhere regularly
12. Go to a medical conference
13. Spend some quality alone time with my mom
14. a girls weekend away
I look forward to my journey.
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